OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
