Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
