We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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