My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
