Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
