my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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