brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
