OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
