i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
