Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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