He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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