Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
