Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
