Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
