My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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