New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
