Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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