My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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