Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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