I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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