You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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