I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
