Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
