so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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