Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
