Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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