i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
