All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
