Barsexuality is the new black.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
