YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
