i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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