No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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