I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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