i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
