No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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