so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
