all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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