So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
