Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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