he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
