Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
