you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
