Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
