sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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