I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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