At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
