Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
