when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you would pick up someone in the library
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
