Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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