When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
