I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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