2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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