Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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