I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
