i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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