mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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