operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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