What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
