I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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