I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
