Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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