If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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