She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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