I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
