K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
