I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
