i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ttyl tear gas
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
