Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
