I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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