I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
