I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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