never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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