So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
