cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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